free me from these anxious thoughts...
Anxiety. That unglued feeling within you that you can't control and decides to creep up at the most inopportune times.
This is a battle that I struggled with for years and seems to be a common and quiet issue among so many. I would have anxiety over being a pastor's wife and going to church on Sunday not knowing who may or may not make a critical statement about my husband. I would have anxiety about not feeling accepted or not being good enough. I would have anxiety about our future. I would have anxiety about leaving for a trip. All the preparations seemed overwhelming and what if we got in a car accident?
It was an awful battle. One I wanted to escape so badly and one I kept so quiet fearing that others would judge me.
After I had our first child my anxiety was at an all time high. One sleepless night I sat on my couch and opened my bible to Psalm 119 in The Message translation. It talked about God guiding our steps and directing our life if we allow him. I knew in that moment that I had a decision to make. I could keep living the way I was only to lose the battle and spiral into bitterness and depression OR I could invite God to do a mighty work in my life. I had no clue what it would look like for God to do a work in my life but the Bible said he would guide and direct my steps if I allowed him. In that moment I prayed that God would do a work in me. I was hopelessly hopeful. If that is not pessimistic I don't know what is!
That night began a journey of getting rid of myself. I realized that I was spending so much time being anxious I was deeply focusing on myself. My worries, My fears, My anxiety. I began to pray that God would give me peace deep within my soul and relieve me of this anxiety. Whenever I began to feel anxious I stopped what I was doing, read scripture, and prayed simply, "God, free me from this anxiety." I began to write scriptures on little note cards that I carried with me. As I began to pray and trust, God began to free me of myself and my anxiety.
As He freed me I discovered beauty. Not the kind of beauty like smaller thighs and silky hair but true inner beauty. A peace that I know only God can conquer. A peace that only God can provide.
After time I realized I was truly free. At times anxiety will still creep up to this day and I quote scripture and pray. I know it is not of God. Our God truly loves us. He does not bestow anxiety upon us no matter the circumstance.
Two years after I first read Psalm 119 I found myself sitting in a the waiting room of my doctors office knowing I was having a miscarriage. It was very early but to us it was our baby. You know why I say I'm free? In that moment I read over my scripture cards, I prayed, and I had peace. In a very confusing time I had a deep peace. I was free from the stronghold of anxiety.
I share this because I know so many struggle with anxious thoughts. GOD CAN FREE YOU. Start with baby steps of acknowledging that anxiety is a stronghold in your life and when that anxiety creeps up simply pray, "God, free me from these anxious thoughts." Get some people around you that you can trust to be in prayer for you. I'm not a special person that God decided to do a mighty work in. We are his precious children that he molded and created. You are his precious child and he longs to move in you. To heal you. To free you.
This is a battle that I struggled with for years and seems to be a common and quiet issue among so many. I would have anxiety over being a pastor's wife and going to church on Sunday not knowing who may or may not make a critical statement about my husband. I would have anxiety about not feeling accepted or not being good enough. I would have anxiety about our future. I would have anxiety about leaving for a trip. All the preparations seemed overwhelming and what if we got in a car accident?
It was an awful battle. One I wanted to escape so badly and one I kept so quiet fearing that others would judge me.
After I had our first child my anxiety was at an all time high. One sleepless night I sat on my couch and opened my bible to Psalm 119 in The Message translation. It talked about God guiding our steps and directing our life if we allow him. I knew in that moment that I had a decision to make. I could keep living the way I was only to lose the battle and spiral into bitterness and depression OR I could invite God to do a mighty work in my life. I had no clue what it would look like for God to do a work in my life but the Bible said he would guide and direct my steps if I allowed him. In that moment I prayed that God would do a work in me. I was hopelessly hopeful. If that is not pessimistic I don't know what is!
That night began a journey of getting rid of myself. I realized that I was spending so much time being anxious I was deeply focusing on myself. My worries, My fears, My anxiety. I began to pray that God would give me peace deep within my soul and relieve me of this anxiety. Whenever I began to feel anxious I stopped what I was doing, read scripture, and prayed simply, "God, free me from this anxiety." I began to write scriptures on little note cards that I carried with me. As I began to pray and trust, God began to free me of myself and my anxiety.
As He freed me I discovered beauty. Not the kind of beauty like smaller thighs and silky hair but true inner beauty. A peace that I know only God can conquer. A peace that only God can provide.
After time I realized I was truly free. At times anxiety will still creep up to this day and I quote scripture and pray. I know it is not of God. Our God truly loves us. He does not bestow anxiety upon us no matter the circumstance.
Two years after I first read Psalm 119 I found myself sitting in a the waiting room of my doctors office knowing I was having a miscarriage. It was very early but to us it was our baby. You know why I say I'm free? In that moment I read over my scripture cards, I prayed, and I had peace. In a very confusing time I had a deep peace. I was free from the stronghold of anxiety.
I share this because I know so many struggle with anxious thoughts. GOD CAN FREE YOU. Start with baby steps of acknowledging that anxiety is a stronghold in your life and when that anxiety creeps up simply pray, "God, free me from these anxious thoughts." Get some people around you that you can trust to be in prayer for you. I'm not a special person that God decided to do a mighty work in. We are his precious children that he molded and created. You are his precious child and he longs to move in you. To heal you. To free you.
"You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him.
You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him.
You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it.
I'm going to do what you tell me to do..."
Psalm 119 (The Message)
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